If you ask me,
there’s always too much emphasis
on who did what first.
It’s silly. I mean, isn’t it?
But what’s right is right.
You know I’m right, right?
I was first.
I don’t care what Leibniz
and his friends say.
When it comes to calculus,
I had it first.
I mean, c’mon!
I send him a note
about what I’m working on,
and a few years later,
my note
is his discovery?
C’mon!
I don’t care what he calls it!
Fluxions or differentials, I don’t care!
It was my idea!
But he persisted.
And sonofabitch
if some people
didn’t start believing him!
This went on for a while,
and when I saw it wasn’t going away,
I hired this guy.
He said if I wanted people to believe me
I had to humanize my brand,
so he came up with the Apple Storyâ„¢.
That’s the one.
Where I’m sitting under a tree,
and an apple falls,
and I discover gravity.
He said it would make me more human,
not just a numbers guy.
Sonofabitch if he wasn’t right!
As soon as we put out the Apple Storyâ„¢,
I started getting invited to salons
and dinners,
and offered book deals
left and right!
He told me that some day
the only thing some people
will know about physics
will be me and my Apple Storyâ„¢.
All I know is,
it’s Newton’s Laws™,
not Leibnitz’s Laws,
so what can I say, Gottfried?
Next time hire a guy
right away.
